Welcome to the archived web site of
Will Joel Friedman, Ph.D. Psychologist (1950-2013)
California License No. PSY 10092
 
Specializing in Presence-Centered Therapy
balancing mind and heart, body and spirit
 


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Resource Link Catagories:

Parenting Effectively, Attachment Parenting, Infertility, Birth Control & Education

Parenting Unconditionally and Effectively | Infertility and Birth Control | Education's Value / Cost, Alternative Education and Teachers / Parents

Parenting Unconditionally

New York Times article of 9-15-2009 entitled "When a Parent's 'I Love You' Means 'Do As I Say'" reviews studies on conditional parenting. Carl Roger's suggestion to parents and teachers to love our children unconditionally is discussed. A key recommendation: "In practice, according to Dr. Deci and others, unconditional acceptance by parents as well as teachers should be accompanied by "autonomy support": explaining reasons for requests, maximizing opportunities for the child to participate in making decisions, being encouraged without manipulating, and actively imagining how things look from the child's point of view." This is a game-changing article for every parent and educator who genuinely is committed to children's healthy growth, development and autonomy. The author Alfie Kohn is an absolute gift to parents and teachers alike. His most recent book Unconditional Parenting: Moving From Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason (2006) is highly recommended. It is simply the best book I've found on parenting in a loving and effective way.
nytimes.com/2009/09/15/health/15mind.html

Author, child educator and former teacher Alfie Kohn is a leading figure in progressive education. He offers a refreshing breath of sanity in regard to how to parent without punishment or rewards (usually perceived as bribes by children and adolescents). His most recent 2005 book is Unconditional Parenting and his home page has dozens of intelligent and very practical articles for parents. On a similar wavelength, Naomi Aldort, a parenting/family counselor who works with parents and educators and is the author of the 2006 book Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves, brings the perspective that effective parenting has nothing to do with scolding, threatening or punishing. Instead, healthy parenting is learning "how to be with children so they are free to be their own magnificent selves."

Kohn's and Aldort's Articles and videos are well worth exploring for all parents and teachers
alfiekohn.org/index.php
alfiekohn.org/articles.htm
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alfie_Kohn
naomialdort.com
naomialdort.com/articles.html
lifelearningmagazine.com/0712/labels.htm
naturalchild.org/naomi_aldort/manners.html
naturalchild.org/naomi_aldort/helping.html
Videos of Alfie Kohn: youtube.com/watch?v=PRE2gqjQx5Q
youtube.com/watch?v=7sywMkf5QhI&feature=related
youtube.com/watch?v=hS3m1ocWhhw&feature=related
youtube.com/watch?v=lTCatE75zHQ&feature=related
youtube.com/watch?v=npZ4dkt4e4U&feature=related
Videos of Naomi Aldort: naomialdort.com/lectures.html

"What Babies Know and We Don't"—A March 2010 New York Review of Books article by Michael Greenberg is a critique of the Book The Philosophical Baby: What Children's Minds Tell Us About Truth, Love, and the Meaning of Life by Alison Gopnik. It is an eye opener into the mysterious nondual world of seamless oneness that children under the age of five inhabit. Fascinating
nybooks.com/articles/23694

The Value of Crying: Articles and research point to crying as a valuable emotional release; better for many, worse for some—A December 2008 article described research that found that crying is often beneficial and these benefits may depend on the traits of the crier, their social support system, and whether the crier has ongoing psychological challenges like anxiety and depression. One study analyzed over 3,000 reports of recent crying episodes and the majority of respondents reported mood benefits after crying with significant variation in mood benefits. There were mixed reports of emotion after shedding tears, with one-third reporting feeling better after crying and one-tenth reported feeling significantly worse. A February 2009 article in the New York Times looks at the value of crying and what research shows. The experience of crying shows wide variability from person to person with some being more likely than others to find catharsis. One study cited found that crying with just one other person present was significantly more likely to produce a cathartic effect than doing so in front of a larger group. An excerpt: "Now, some researchers say that the common psychological wisdom about crying—crying as a healthy catharsis—is incomplete and misleading. Having a “good cry” can and usually does allow people to recover some mental balance after a loss. But not always and not for everyone..." Psychological research has solidly confirmed that women are more likely to shed tears more easily and more frequently than men. A September 2009 study found empirical evidence that tears have emotional benefits and can make interpersonal relationships stronger.
nytimes.com/2009/02/03/health/03mind.html
tuftsdaily.com/new-research-questions-benefits-of-crying-1.1483797
scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=crying-is-not-cathartic
usfweb3.usf.edu/absoluteNM/templates/?a=1038&z=81
health.howstuffworks.com/mental-health/human-nature/other-emotions/crying~
sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/08/090824141045.htm
examiner.com/cognitive-science-in-national/is-crying-actually-useful-for-us?render=print
healthmad.com/children/10-health-benefits-of-crying/
smdailyjournal.com/article_preview.php?id=53397&eddate=01/12/2006
helium.com/items/339767-possible-health-benefits-of-crying
healmybrokenheart.com/7benefitstocrying
intro2psych.wordpress.com/2010/02/09/the-benefits-of-crying/
benefitof.net/benefits-of-crying/
sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/12/081217123831.htm
ezinearticles.com/?Why-Crying-is-Coping-and-Why-You-Should-Cry-If-You-Can&id=601878
emotionalprocessing.org.uk/tears/is%20crying%20good%20for%20you.htm
humsci.auburn.edu/~abellel/beeprogram/links/resourceupdates/crying/crying~
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crying

Mothering Magazine : A phenomenal source for solid information regarding pregnancy/birth, breastfeeding, health implications of vaccines, circumcision, the science of attachment, nonviolent communication, parenting and extraordinary children. Fabulous
mothering.com
mothering.com/science-attachment-biological-roots-love
mothering.com/parenting/crying-for-comfort
mothering.com...connection-nonviolent-communication-children
mothering.com/health/circumcision

Parenting Research Findings

Poorer emotional health and well-being are found among parents of grown adult children when those children have troubled lives & better psychological health found among parents with successful grown adult children research shows: August 2010 research finds of 633 middle-age parents of a total of 1251 adult children found that even one problem-ridden child—someone who is unemployed, incarcerated, addicted, ill, or in financial crisis—increased the risk of low psychological well-being in the parent, and the more troubled the child, the worse the parent's psychological health. On the positive side, parents who have multiple children who were all successful had better psychological well-being compared with parents whose adult children had problems or parents who had a mix of successful and problem-ridden children. About 60% of the study participants had such a mix of successful and less successful children.
chicagotribune.com/health/ct-parents-and-stress,0,2297337.story
forms.apa.org/convention/viewabstract.cfm?id=7789

Misdiagnosis of "shaken baby syndrome": More than a 1,000 babies a year in the United States are given the diagnosis of shaken baby syndrome. Increasingly it appears that a good number of the people charged with and convicted of homicide may be innocent. It turns out that the triad of symptoms—retinal hemorrhages, bleeding around the brain and brain swelling—may have multiple causes (e.g., bleeding in the brain may be from a fall, an infection, an illness like sickle-cell anemia or birth trauma). The American Academy of Pediatrics recommended that the diagnosis of shaken baby syndrome be discarded and replaced with "abusive head injury," which does not imply that only shaking may have caused the injury. Even with a shift in scientific consensus, debate about the legitimacy of this diagnosis continues. A comprehensive study seems warranted to resolve areas of disagreement. In essence, prosecutors, judges and juries need exercise greater skepticism since the triad of symptoms alone cannot prove beyond a reasonable doubt that an infant has been fatally shaken.
nytimes.com/2010/09/21/opinion/21tuerkheimer.html?_r=1&th&emc=th
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shaken_baby_syndrome
medicinenet.com/shaken_baby_syndrome/article.htm
ninds.nih.gov/disorders/shakenbaby/shakenbaby.htm
nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000004.htm
preventchildabuse.com/sbs.shtml

Shaken-Baby Syndrome is facing new questions in court. Read The New York TImes Magazine in February 2011 for an informed article with clear illustrations.
nytimes.com/2011/02/06/magazine/06baby-t.html

Parenting Effectively Resources

Kid's Turn: A non-profit organization to help kids and parents in facing divorce
kidsturn.org

Teenage brain development: Good judgment does not developmentally come on-line until age 25 at the earliest!—Dr. Jay Giedd, chief of brain imagining in the child psychiatry branch of NIMH, after over 13 years performing MRIs and studying the brains of more than 1,800 kids, concluded that the pre-frontal cortex—home of the "executive" functions of planning, setting priorities, organizing thoughts, suppressing impulses and weighing the consequences of one's actions—does not reach a level of genuine maturity until someone reaches their mid-twenties! This information about teen's good judgment not coming "on-line" in terms of brain development until the mid-twenties has wide-ranging implications in regard to the privileges parents and teachers offer teens. Several videos by Frances E. Jensen, M.D., senior assistant in Neurology at Children's Hospital Boston and a professor at Harvard Medical School, help translate the most up-to-date research on the teen brain for the informed parent. A popular article in Parade magazine in late November 2010 provides some highlights of how the teenage brain functions and develops. Highly recommended. Forewarned is forearmed (and can help protect)!
choicesaz.org/resources/brain_development
thaliasthoughts.com/pb/wp_4641b6a0.html
linkedin.com/news...parade.com...news...-inside-the-teenage-brain~

Video of Dr. Jay Giedd: youtube.com/watch?v=GPMP68QP698&feature=related

You Can Handle Them All: This site is a remarkably useful resource and a life-saver for parents and teachers alike! You can learn how to handle discipline concerns effectively at home and at school, keep yourself in control of the situation, and teach children/adolescents self-discipline. It offers step-by-step ways to change inappropriate, irresponsible behavior to appropriate, responsible behavior. It provides a powerful reference guide to over 117 child misbehaviors at school and home, along with additional resources. Primarily it offers a thumbnail description of the behavior pattern, the effects this produces, key effective actions parents/teachers can take, along with the primary causes of misbehavior, primary and secondary needs being revealed, methods, strategies and techniques, and mistakes to avoid. The site is clear that what is being labelled is the behavior, not the child/adolescent. What a gem!
disciplinehelp.com

The Premack principle, also known as the gatekeeper principle and Grandma's Law, dates from 1959 and is a behavioral principle that is most helpful in developing healthy, responsible and productive lifestyle behaviors and habit patterns: If a high probability or more desirable behavior is made contingent upon a lower probability or less desirable behavior, then the lower probability or less desirable behavior is more likely to occur. Thus, this principle suggests that if someone wants to perform a given less desired behavior, then performing the less desired behavior will be motivating and become more desirable when performed before a high desired behavior. For example, once you do the dishes you get to watch your favorite television show, or as soon as you get your teeth brushed and nightclothes on I will read you a good night story and tuck you into bed, or you can have your favorite dessert as soon as you finish your dinner. The Premack principle has also been used successfully in working with young children (as well as teenagers) in teaching animal training such as teaching dog obedience. Thus, the Premack principle shows that preferred behaviors can be used to reinforce unpreferred behaviors and make them more positively reinforcing.
74.125.155.132...premack+principle...
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Premack%27s_principle
psycom/intropsych/ch05_conditioning/premack_principle.html
everything2.com/title/Premack+principle
nofreelunchdogs.com/premack_principle.html
teachingdogobedience.com/2009/01/premacks-principle.html
ezinearticles...How-to-Use-the-Premack-Principle-to-Teach-a-Dog-to-Come~

Critical Thinking Questions: Being familiar and regularly using critical thinking questions in the cognitive domain, as offered through Bloom's Taxonomy, is especially important for higher level distinctions, judgments and decision-making. Bloom's Taxonomy, as developed by Linda G. Barton, M.S. Ed. in Quick flip Questions for Critical Thinking (1997), offers key words and questions at the following six levels in the cognitive domain: knowledge, comprehension, application, analysis, synthesis and evaluation. A most useful structure to return to time and again for teachers and parents, especially those parents that are home schooling their children. Recommended
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Critical_thinking
mcckc.edu/longview/ctac/blooms.htm
teachers.ash.org.au/researchskills/dalton.htm
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bloom's_Taxonomy
nwlink.com/~Donclark/hrd/bloom.html

Cognitive biases: Several lists of cognitive biases are highly worthwhile to periodically review in order to use good judgment and not get hoodwinked, bamboozled and hornswaggled by our neurology and environmental conditioning. These lists include decision-making and behavioral biases, biases in probability and belief, social biases, memory errors, and common theoretical causes of some cognitive biases. Each bias when revealed and remembered can help better understand and temper each pattern of deviation in judgment. Flawed self-evaluations or inflated self-views, such as the majority of people perceive that they are better than average drivers or above-average intelligence, are particularly intriguing since all are statistical impossibilities. Self-Insight: Roadblocks and Detours on the Path to Knowing Thyself (2005) by David Dunning, Ph.D., Professor of Psychology at Cornell University, is a remarkable achievement given his social psychological research on mistaken views of competence, why people often remain blissfully unaware of their incompetence and personality flaws, and exploring why people tend to perceive themselves as more unique and special than they really are and profess inflated opinions of their moral fiber that are not matched by their deeds. Of particular note is the Dunning-Kruger effect, a cognitive bias in which "people reach erroneous conclusions and make unfortunate choices but their incompetence robs them of the metacognitive ability to realize it." The unskilled therefore suffer from illusory superiority, rating their own ability as above average, much higher than in actuality; by contrast, the highly skilled underrate their abilities, suffering from illusory inferiority. This leads to a perverse result where less competent people will rate their own ability higher than more competent people. It also explains why actual competence may weaken self-confidence because competent individuals falsely assume that others have an equivalent understanding. "Thus, the miscalibration of the incompetent stems from an error about the self, whereas the miscalibration of the highly competent stems from an error about others." The authors draw an analogy with anosognosia—a condition in which a person who suffers a physical disability due to brain injury seems unaware of or denies the existence of the disability. This may include unawareness of quite dramatic impairments, such as blindness or paralysis. In a number of studies Kruger and Dunning hypothesized that with a typical skill which humans may possess in greater or lesser degree: (1) Incompetent individuals tend to overestimate their own skill level; (2) Incompetent individuals fail to recognize genuine skills in others; (3) Incompetent individuals fail to recognize their extremity of their inadequacy; and (4) If they can be can be trained to substantially improve their own skills level, these individuals can recognize and acknowledge their own previous lack of skill. Presence and witnessing coupled with awareness of cognitive biases are key skills to identify and begin correcting cognitive biases. Articles below address antidotes for cognitive biases and "implicit bias." Also peruse all the memory biases. All highly recommended
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_cognitive_biases
blisstree.com/healthbolt/26-reasons-what-you-think-is-right-is-wrong
psychology.wikia.com/wiki/Category:Cognitive_biases
usablelearning....why-are-people-so-dumb-cognitive-biases~
bobsutton.typepad...flawed-selfevaluations-david-dunnings-facinating-work~
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect
businesspundit.com/cognitive-bias-and-recursive-self-doubt
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_memory_biases

Antidotes to Cognitive biases:
ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC555890
ezinearticles.com....How-to-Determine-Cognitive-Bias~
...neutralizing-your-own-implicit-biases-avoid-conflict-and-increase-flexibility~
google.com...correcting+cognitive+bias~
stillpointcoaching.com/blog/?p=35

Yelling and shouting by parents: An 10/21/2009 New York Times article entitled "For Some Parents, Shouting Is the New Spanking" is revealing of how yelling and shouting is now commonly used as punishment children into obedience with research showing benign and hurtful effect upon the children depending on whether the parent is simply loud or "their tone connotes anger, insult or sarcasm" and "can be perceived as a sign of rejection" with possible damage to a child's sense of self-esteem and well-being. Research dating from 2001 by Harvard Medical School reports that shouting at hour kids can damage their brains. Also peruse the accompanying 9/17/2007 article "Parenting Without Shouting" by Pradeep Kapoor, M.D. for "five steps to rest your vocal cords." Other articles offer a number of useful pointers for parents in that are practically helpful instead of hurtfully punishing. A wake-up call for parents
nytimes.com/2009/10/22/fashion/22yell.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&th&emc=th
guardian.co.uk/education/2001/mar/21/schools.familyandrelationships
associatedcontent.com/article/373661/parenting_without_shouting~
kidsevents.com/yelling.cfm
theparentszone.com...discipline/what-are-the-alternatives-to-child-spanking~

The Greater Good Science Center—"Science for raising happy kids"—is devoted to parents: This is the vision of the research-based Greater Good magazine and the Greater Good Science Center sponsored by the University of California, Berkeley. It provides parents useful information and offers "Half Full—The Greater Good Blog" that gives quick, practical and fun tips on parenting.
greatergood.berkeley.edu/tools.php
greatergood.berkeley.edu/half_full
greatergood.berkeley.edu/tools-archives.html

Tuffs University provides a "Child & Family WebGuide" that offers expert reviewed sites on children and families
cfw.tufts.edu

Mothering Magazine : A phenomenal source for solid information regarding pregnancy/birth, breastfeeding, health implications of vaccines, circumcision, the science of attachment, nonviolent communication, parenting and extraordinary children. Fabulous
mothering.com
mothering.com/science-attachment-biological-roots-love
mothering.com/parenting/crying-for-comfort
mothering.com...connection-nonviolent-communication-children
mothering.com/health/circumcision

Parenting: Attachment Parenting & Healthy Naturalistic Child-raising Behaviors

William Sears, M.D., a pioneer in pediatric medicine in regard to attachment parenting, has a helpful website that is filled with useful community resources on all aspects of pregnancy, infant, child and adolescent health, especially attachment parenting. He has practiced pediatric medicine for more than 30 years, author of 47 books on parenting and child care, and has raised eight children his wife Martha Sears, RN. He is equally professionally authoritative and humanly approachable.
askdrsears.com/about.asp
askdrsears.com/resources.asp
Video: youtube.com/watch?v=ks7E-x-jYzw
youtube.com/watch?v=KxnXtqiTdrY&feature=fvw

Benefits of breast-feeding, extended breast-feeding, and the family bed (co-sleeping) are healthy naturalistic child-raising behaviors—La Leche League International has spearheaded all of these naturalistic health approaches and attachment parenting for decades: April 2010 research published online in the journal Pediatrics showed that the lives of nearly 900 babies would be saved each year, along with billions of dollars, if 90 percent of U.S. women breast-fed their babies for the first six months of life. Problems that breast-feeding may help prevent include stomach viruses, ear infections, asthma, juvenile diabetes, obesity, Sudden Infant Death Syndrome and even childhood leukemia. Breast milk contains antibodies that help babies fight infections and affect insulin levels in the blood. Other studies show a wide range of health benefits from attachment parenting using breast-feeding, extended breast-feeding and the family bed or co-sleeping.
sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2010/04/05/MNUS1CPND0.DTL
who.int/nutrition/topics/exclusive_breastfeeding/en
nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/news/fullstory_94018.html
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Breastfeeding
babycenter.com/0_how-breastfeeding-benefits-you-and-your-baby_8910.bc
medelabreastfeedingus.com/benefits-of-breastfeeding
mothering.com/breastfeeding
mothering.com/breastfeeding/extend-breastfeedings-benefits
parenting.com...Ask-Dr-Sears-Extended-Breastfeeding----Handling-the-Criticism
llli.org/NB/NBextended.html
llli.org/NB/NBNovDec07p244.html
llli.org/NB/NBJulAug03p151.html
askdrsears.com/html/7/T071000.asp
associatedcontent.com...bedsharing_the_facts_about_the_family~
bygpub.com/natural/family-bed.htm
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Co-sleeping
breastfeeding.com/reading_room/co_slepping.html

Mothering Magazine : A phenomenal source for solid information regarding pregnancy/birth, breastfeeding, health implications of vaccines, circumcision, the science of attachment, nonviolent communication, parenting and extraordinary children. Fabulous
mothering.com
mothering.com/science-attachment-biological-roots-love
mothering.com/parenting/crying-for-comfort
mothering.com...connection-nonviolent-communication-children
mothering.com/health/circumcision

Parents / Teachers Discipline Approaches

Corporal punishment—Corporal punishment (e.g., spanking) is associated with later aggression: Mothers' corporal punishment in the form of spanking of 3-year-old children is shown to be associated with increased risk for higher levels of child aggression when the child was 5 years of age. Twenty states of the U.S. permit corporal punishment in schools in the the 2006-2007 school year, that is a significant drop of almost 18 % from the previous year and continuing a steady trend from the early 1980's. Unicef through the United nations reports that violent methods of so-called discipline are widespread across the world, specifically data from 37 countries show that 86% of children aged 2-14 years experience violent discipline (physical punishment and/or psychological aggression) and two out of three children are subject to physical punishment. Healthier alternatives to school corporal punishment are offered, including the link above "Author, child educator and former teacher Alfie Kohn."
pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/content/abstract/peds.2009-2678v1
mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=36525&cn=82
https://caremark.com/wps/portal/HEALTH_RESOURCES?topic=corporal
stoptherod.net/research.htm
nospank.net/straus5.htm
stophitting.com/index.php?page=statesbanning
stophitting.com/index.php?page=tenthings
stophitting.com/index.php?page=factsvsopinions
corpun.com/counuss.htm
childinfo.org/discipline.html
libraryindex.com/pages/1401/Causes-Effects-Child-Abuse-CORPORAL-PUNISHMENT.html
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corporal_punishment
wik.ed.uiuc.edu/index.php/Corporal_Punishment
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/School_corporal_punishment
stophitting.com/index.php?page=alternatives
essortment.com/all/corporalpunishm_oai.htm
docs.google.com...harris-tx.tamu.edu...altphypunish.PDF+corporal+punishment+alternatives~
san.beck.org/Punishment-Alternatives.html
psychologytoday.com...effective-alternatives-physical-punishment-the-view-psychoanaly~

You Can Handle Them All: This site is a remarkably useful resource and a life-saver for parents and teachers alike! You can learn how to handle discipline concerns effectively at home and at school, keep yourself in control of the situation, and teach children/adolescents self-discipline. It offers step-by-step ways to change inappropriate, irresponsible behavior to appropriate, responsible behavior. It provides a powerful reference guide to over 117 child misbehaviors at school and home, along with additional resources. Primarily it offers a thumbnail description of the behavior pattern, the effects this produces, key effective actions parents/teachers can take, along with the primary causes of misbehavior, primary and secondary needs being revealed, methods, strategies and techniques, and mistakes to avoid. The site is clear that what is being labelled is the behavior, not the child/adolescent. What a gem!
disciplinehelp.com

The Premack principle, also known as the gatekeeper principle and Grandma's Law, dates from 1959 and is a behavioral principle that is most helpful in developing healthy, responsible and productive lifestyle behaviors and habit patterns: If a high probability or more desirable behavior is made contingent upon a lower probability or less desirable behavior, then the lower probability or less desirable behavior is more likely to occur. Thus, this principle suggests that if someone wants to perform a given less desired behavior, then performing the less desired behavior will be motivating and become more desirable when performed before a high desired behavior. For example, once you do the dishes you get to watch your favorite television show, or as soon as you get your teeth brushed and nightclothes on I will read you a good night story and tuck you into bed, or you can have your favorite dessert as soon as you finish your dinner. The Premack principle has also been used successfully in working with young children (as well as teenagers) in teaching animal training such as teaching dog obedience. Thus, the Premack principle shows that preferred behaviors can be used to reinforce unpreferred behaviors and make them more positively reinforcing.
74.125.155.132...premack+principle...
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Premack%27s_principle
psycom/intropsych/ch05_conditioning/premack_principle.html
everything2.com/title/Premack+principle
nofreelunchdogs.com/premack_principle.html
teachingdogobedience.com/2009/01/premacks-principle.html
ezinearticles...How-to-Use-the-Premack-Principle-to-Teach-a-Dog-to-Come~

Whining and Nagging: Research shows that after the average kid whines or nags NINE times, the majority of parents give in. What can a parent do? Educational psychologist Michele Borba, Ed.D. offers very clear and practical approaches to help wean kids from whining and nagging. The parents, as always, are the key. Gretchen Rubin, author of the 2009 book The Happiness Project, offers fourteen helpful tips to avoid nagging anyone.
newdream.org/kids/poll.php
micheleborba.com/blog/2009/09/02/michele-borba-how-to-stop~

Tuffs University provides a "Child & Family WebGuide" that offers expert reviewed sites on children and families
cfw.tufts.edu

Kids's Health for Parents & Kids

Kid's Health for Parents: Nemours Foundation: Practical information for parents
kidshealth.org/parents

Kid's Health for Kids: Nemours Foundation: Practical information for kids
kidshealth.org/kids

LGBT Couples / Families Research

Children fare well in Same-sex marriage/couples (Lesbian and Gay families): An October 2010 American Psychological Association article in their journal Monitor on Psychology cited a study found that children adopted into lesbian and gay families are as well-adjusted as children adopted by heterosexual parents, and follow similar patterns of gender development. Other studies showed that children raised by lesbian and gay patents develop in the same positive ways that children raised by heterosexual parents do, and that same-sex couples are just as capable of providing a supportive environment for children. Other research findings include that surveys conducted in California showed that 75 percent of lesbians and more than half of gay men were in a relationship with one person.
apa.org/monitor/2010/10/adopted-children.aspx
apa.org/monitor/2010/10/same-sex.aspx

Parenting Unconditionally and Effectively | Infertility and Birth Control | Education's Value / Cost, Alternative Education and Teachers / Parents

Infertility

Infertile women taking fertility treatments: Stress, worry or tension do not appear to hamper a woman's chances of becoming pregnant while undergoing a cycle of fertility treatments, according to February 2011 results from British researchers after reviewed 14 prospective studies from 10 countries covering 3,583 infertile women. These results are contrary to so-called common wisdom that, for women taking fertility treatments who are worried, tense or stressed, their chances of becoming pregnant may be effected. Now they can relax.
nytimes.com/2011/03/01/health/research/01baby.html?_r=1
worldnewstoday5.blogspot.com/2011/02/stress-does-not-stop-ivf-success.html

Stress-management classes could help women with fertility problems become pregnant, according to June 2011 research study, and summarized in the American Psychological Association's Monitor on Psychology, July/August 2011 issue: "Lead researcher Alice D. Domar, PhD, at Harvard Medical School, and colleagues enrolled 143 women who were about to begin their first round of in vitro fertilization (IVF)treatments, some of whom participated in a 10-session mind/body stress-management program and some of whom participated in a control program unrelated to stress. After the second cycle of IVF treatment, 52 percent of the women who took the stress-management class had become pregnant compared with 20 percent of the women in the control condition, suggesting stress prevention and management could play a significant role in helping women overcome fertility complications."
fertstert.org/article/S0015-0282%2811%2900476-6/abstract

Biological Clocks, Females AND Males: While much has been written about the female biological clock that appears to start ticking in the late 20's and not the mid-30's, is associated with a decline in fertility and an increased possibility of having genetically abnormal babies with increased age, less well known is the same appears to apply to men. One study found that the odds of fatherhood for those under age 30 was 32.1 percent compared with 20 percent over the age of 50, equating to a 38 percent drop in male fertility across that age gap. A June 2011 Wall Street Journal article reported research showing all the following: men over 40 have a six times as likely chance as a man under 30 of fathering an autistic child, a man's chances of fathering offspring with schizophrenia double when he hits 40 and triple at age 50, and the incidence of bipolarity, epilepsy, prostate cancer and breast cancer increases in children born to men approaching 40, dwarfism and Marfan syndrome (a connective tissue disorder) have been linked to older fathers, a correlation was found between advanced paternal age and poorer performance by children on intelligence tests, and Apert syndrome (a disorder characterized by malformations of the skull, face, hands and feet) is a mutation caused exclusively by advanced paternal age. Are you listening, women?...and men?
cbsnews.com/stories/2003/08/14/60minutes/main568259.shtml
online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052702303936704576400161673484394.html
guardian.co.uk/society/2008/jul/07/health.children
babycenter.com/0_the-male-biological-clock-its-tick-tick-ticking-too_1490614.bc
pregnancyandbaby.sheknows.com...How-fast-is-your-biological-clock-ticking-3790~
netplaces.com/pregnancy-over-35/fertility/your-biological-clock.htm
infertile.com/inthenew/sci/maleage.htm
curezone.com/art/read.asp?ID=140&db=1&C0=1
dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1246375/Why-biological-clock-ticking-women-aged-30~
scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=fact-or-fiction-men-have-biological-clocks
dcmsonline.org/jax-medicine/2000journals/may2000/ageinf.htm

Alcohol and fertility Many people don't realise the impact even casual drinking can have on both partners.
http://stepstorecovery.com/effects-alcohol-fertility/

Birth Control Approaches

Birth control / Sex Education / Sexually Transmitted Diseases / HIV Positive & AIDS: What does the scientific data show about the effectiveness of the various forms of contraception / birth control?—Since these subjects are no longer taught in the great majority of countries and states, including California, at the present time and severely limits teenagers and others from finding factual, reliable and unbiased information, here are the best resources that fit that vision. Especially noteworthy is Scarleteen: Sex Ed For the Real World that was suggested to me by a high-level teacher concerned that youth have an accessible resource for receiving such information and hip enough to be cool. Natural birth control methods (sometimes called Fertility Awareness and Natural Family Planning or NFP), such as ovulation method, the sympto-theramal method and basal body temperature charting, are well worth investigation for those who are able to live on a high level of self-responsibility. Website Lifescript investigates the top 5 birth control methods by looking at how each works, reliability, the good, the bad, how it's for and how to get it, as of January 2011. The top 5 birth control methods they assert are the pill, the the sponge, the IUD, Implanon (the hormone-based drug implant is a single flexible, plastic rod inserted in the upper arm), and the Emergency Contraception (Plan B: a one-step backup method for preventing pregnancy when taken within 72 hours of unprotected sex or contraceptive failure that requires women to take two doses 12 hours apart).

Effectiveness of various birth control methods is a huge concern. The family doctor link below provides the failure rate for different birth control methods when used correctly, according to the U.S. Food and Drug Administration, BirthControl Guide (also available in a PDF linked below). Surprisingly for instance, using a male condom alone still had a 11 percent failure rate (that is, this approach produced 11 pregnancies per 100 women per year), although Planned Parenthood puts using a male condom in the 15-25 per hundred category Wikipedia, TeensHealth, Women to Women, and Sex, etc. also weights in on this key topic of interest. Planned Parenthood also provides a chart comparing effectiveness of birth control methods in a link below. No method of birth control available today offers 100 percent protection against sexually transmitted diseases or STDs, except abstinence. STDs are often asymptomatic, meaning there may not be any signs or symptoms. Being aware of Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) and testing as HIV positive and the risks of AIDS are important to stay highly informed. Forwarned with solid information (and identifying your options) is forearmed since how else could anyone make a wise, informed choice. Disclaimer: The following links are in no way aimed to encourage irresponsible or promiscuous sexual behavior. [Mature Topics]
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Birth_control
ehow.com/how-to_4845441_pick-method-birth-control.html
lifescript.com...Gynecology/Whats_the_Best_Birth_Control_for_You~
plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control-4211.htm
medicinenet.com/birth_control/article.htm
fwhc.org/birth-control/thepill.htm
birth-control-comparison.info/

Natural Birth Control Methods

epigee.org/guide/natural.html
hubpages.com...Natural_Birth_Control_Options_With_No_Chemicals~
naturalnews.com/029274_birth_control_methods.html
medicinenet.com/natural_methods_of_birth_control/article.htm
contraception.about.com/od/naturalmethods/g/NFP.htm
fwhc.org/birth-control/fam.htm
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fertility_awareness
babycenter.com/0_fertility-awareness-methods-of-birth-control_3603.bc

Effectiveness of Various Birth Control Methods

contraception.about.com/od/naturalmethods/p/behavioral.htm
familydoctor.org/online/famdocen/home/women/contraceptive/016.html
plannedparenthood.org...birth-control/birth-control-effectiveness-chart~
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comparison_of_birth_control_methods
kidshealth.org/teen/sexual_health/contraception/bc_chart.html#
womentowomen.com/sexualityandfertility/birthcontrolmethods.aspx
sexetc.org/faq/birth_control/987
fda.gov...ForConsumers/ByAudience/ForWomen/FreePublications~
scarleteen.com/

Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STD's) & HIV Positive / AIDS

cdc.gov/STD/
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexually_transmitted_disease
mayoclinic.com/health/std-symptoms/ID00053
pediatrics.about.com/od/stds/a/04_std_symptoms.htm
webmd.com/sexual-conditions/guide/sexual-health-stds
kidshealth.org/parent/infections/std/talk_child_stds.html
avert.org/std.htm
plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/stds-hiv-safer-sex-101.htm
yourstdhelp.com/
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HIV-positive_people
netdoctor.co.uk/diseases/facts/hiv_aids.htm
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HIV
who.int/mediacentre/news/releases/2009/universal_coverage_hiv~
aids.gov/hiv-aids-basics/diagnosed-with-hiv-aids/overview/hiv-positive
docs.google.com...aidsinfo.nih.gov/contentfiles/TestingPositive_FS_en~
kidshealth.org/kid/health_problems/infection/hiv.html
thebody.com/content/art49985.html
avert.org/positive.htm
apositivelife.com/
hivpoz.net/
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_HIV-positive_people

Birth control / Sex Education / Sexually Transmitted Diseases / HIV Positive & AIDS: What does the scientific data show about the effectiveness of the various forms of contraception / birth control? See link above.

Parenting Unconditionally and Effectively | Infertility and Birth Control | Education's Value / Cost, Alternative Education and Teachers / Parents

Education's Value and Costs of Raising a Child

Education pays: The huge financial, health, job satisfaction, lifestyle and community benefits of higher education for individuals and society—According to the 2010 report from the College Board Advocacy & Policy Center, people with college degrees earn more and far less likely than others to experience unemployment than non-college graduates. Additionally, college graduates are more likely to experience greater job satisfaction. Further, non-college graduates are losing ground in terms of both salary and employment. An excerpt: "While unemployment has risen for both groups during the economic downturn, from 2005 to 2009 the difference between the unemployment rates for those with a bachelor's degree and those with a high school diploma increased from 2.3 to 5.1 percentage points. In 2008, four-year college graduates earned nearly $22,000 more than those with just a high school diploma ($55,700 vs. $33,800). The earnings of college graduates increased more rapidly from 2005 to 2008 than the earnings of high school graduates." Also the report found a correlation between education and health outcomes, community involvement, and other life patterns. Sandy Baum, an independent policy analyst for the College Board reports: "If you have a college degree, you are more likely to exercise, volunteer, vote and read to your kids, and less likely to be obese or smoke. According to the data, people's level of education profoundly affects both the financial and non-financial aspects of their lives."
uspolitics.einnews.com...report-shows-college-grads-weather-recession-better~
diverseeducation.com/article/14156
quintcareers.com/college_education_value.html

What is the real cost with inflation for raising a child to age 18?: In 2010 the U.S. Department of Agriculture estimates the lifetime cost of raising a child is well over $200,000, not including a college education! The U.S. Department of Agriculture also estimates that for middle-income Americans, using 3 percent inflation, it costs $291,000 to raise a child from infancy through age 17. According to a 2005 report from the U.S. Department of Education, the costs of raising a child to age 17 will be approximately $500,000 and breaks down the specific costs, if these can be reasonably counted upon. Figuring the costs of raising a child with special needs starts at $343,000. Use several online calculators to help plan the cost of having children.
parentdish.com/2010/02/24/how-much-does-it-cost-to-raise-a-child
time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1916278,00.html
parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/08/05/221000-to-raise-a-child
wisegeek.com/how-much-does-it-cost-to-raise-a-child-in-the-united-states.htm
pregnancy-info.net/raising_child_cost.html
docs.google.com...collegecareerlifeplanning.com~
examiner.com...Figuring-the-cost-of-raising-a-child-with-special-needs~
cnpp.usda.gov/calculatorintro.htm
babycenter.com/cost-of-raising-child-calculator

Education Issues, Alternative Education & Teachers / Parents

Alternative Education: Children educate themselves—Read a four-part blog/article by Peter Gray, a research professor of psychology at Boston College who is a specialist in developmental and evolutionary psychology. Most educational.
psychologytoday.com/blog/freedom-learn/200807/children-educate-themselves-i-outline-some-the-evidence
psychologytoday.com...children-educate-themselves-ii-we-all-know-s-true-little-kids~
psychologytoday.com...children-educate-themselves-iii-the-wisdom-hunter-gatherers
psychologytoday.com...children-educate-themselves-iv-lessons-sudbury-valley

Adults place responsibility on parents for education problems, think it should be easier for school adminstrators to fire poorly performing teachers, and the majority think teachers are paid too little and want to reward teachers: An Associated Press-Stanford University Poll on education released in December 2010 found that 68 percent of adults believe parents deserve heavy responsibility for what's wrong with the U.S. education system—more than teachers, school administrators, the government or teachers unions. Those who said parents are responsible were more likely to cite a lack of student discipline and low expectations for students as serious problems in schools along with also being more likely to see fighting and low test scores as big problems. Only 35 percent of those surveyed agreed that teachers deserve a great deal or a lot of blame. Conservatives were more likely than moderates or liberals to place responsibility on parents. Additionally, the same polling group found that 78 percent think it should be easier for school administrators to fire poorly performing teachers, yet the public overall wants to reward teachers since 57 percent say they are paid too little.
npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=131988387
thenewstribune.com/2010/12/12/1461898/parents-catch-flak-for-student.html
kwtx.com...Poll__Parents_Deserve_The_Blame_For_Education_Problems_In_The_US~
fox41.com/story/13668507/poll-most-want-easier-way-to-fire-bad-teachers

Summer vacation is controversial: Is summer vacation an archaic relic of our agrarian past and only sets up kids to fall behind in their studies, especially those who can least afford to? + Pros and cons of year-round education—An August 2010 Time magazine cover story explores this issue as do many other links below.
time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,2005654,00.html
theatlantic.com...why-we-should-get-rid-of-summer-vacation~
readingrockets.org/article/15218
ericdigests.org/2003-5/summer.htm
foxnews.com...obama-proposes-longer-school-day-shorter-summer-vacation~

Pros and cons of year-round education
cde.ca.gov/ls/fa/yr/guide.asp
nayre.org/
wcpss.net/year-round/year-round_factsheet.html
educationworld.com/a_admin/admin/admin137.shtml
lifestyle.iloveindia.com/lounge/pros-and-cons-of-year-round-school-3964.html
k12academics.com/education-policy/year-round-school/advantages
712educators.about.com/cs/reformtime/a/yearrounded.htm
homeparents.about.com/cs/backtoschool/a/yearroundschool.htm
brighthub.com/education/k-12/articles/17675.aspx
ednews.org/articles/benefits-of-year-round-schools-touted.html
associatedcontent.com...the_advantages_of_a_yearround_school.html~
eduguide.org/Parents-Library/Year-Round-K12-Grades-Schools-1495.aspx
school.familyeducation.com/experimental-education/educational-research/41266.html
educationalissues.suite101.com/article.cfm/year_round_schooling_is_growing
ericdigests.org/1995-2/year.htm

Homework—What is the value and for whom?: The advantages and disadvantages of homework are the subject of research along with whom homework is most and least helpful for. Spending more time on homework than the recommended times at different ages actually diminishes achievement according to research results.
educationalissues.suite101.com/article.cfm/homework_what_research_says
educationworld.com/a_admin/admin/admin182.shtml
memory-key.com/Parents/homework.htm
nea.org/tools/16938.htm
netc.org/focus/strategies/home.php
nctm.org/news/content.aspx?id=13814

Student performance and How Valued Are Teachers: How do we make sense of student's performance and who can take ownership for this—Teachers, Parents, Students, all or some? To frame the discussion on a blame-free basis (and even challenge using "responsibility" and "accountability"), here are key questions to sit inside: What do children need to become intellectually curious and engaged, skilled, thoughtful, ethical, and knowledgeable citizens? What do parents and teachers need to support this development? How can we give what we have to parents, children, and teachers? An excerpt: "Testing, measurement, sanctions, and anxiety are at the heart of the accountability frame. Needs, support, care, and giving are at the heart of an alternate frame." The following link was shared by a teacher who liked how the article changed the entire orientation of how we might look at improving education.
voices.washingtonpost.com/answer-sheet...first-blame-the-teachers-then~

A March 2011 New York Times article asking, "Teachers Wonder, Why the Scorn?" An excerpt: "Around the country, many teachers see demands to cut their income, benefits and say in how schools are run through collective bargaining as attacks not just on their livelihoods, but on their value to society."
nytimes.com/2011/03/03/education/03teacher.html~

Also check out Dr. Friedman's article "Compassion is Healing—Empathy is "Perspective Taking":
willjoelfriedman.com/articles/articToolsFTC-Compassion.html
 
 


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© Copyright 2013 by Will Joel Friedman, Ph.D.
 
 


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